The Days After 30
(The Stills – Love and Death)
My birthday was this past Tuesday and it was one of those "milestone" birthdays where everyone around you is suddenly apologizing or giving you reasons why this age isn't as bad as it seems and stating all the good things about it. First off, if it really were a good year, there would be no need for you to ever justify it as such. It's sort of like when people say, "well, they had good intentions" or "they meant well." These types of sayings come directly after something that has gone horribly wrong. What they really mean to say is something like, "Well, I knew you liked cut-off jeans so I decided to make use of my new circular saw to make you a pair, I meant well. Who knew that a circular saw would so easily cut human flesh. I'm sorry you lost a leg." I don’t think the start of any new year that’s evenly divisible by 10 is a good year. Y2K is a prime example. The only thing positive about that year was the widespread panic and the mass hysteria. Who doesn’t enjoy a little bit of running around while waving your arms and screaming?
Now, watch how I transition back from my deftly placed analogies, back into the main topic...
The point is, turning 30 isn't pleasant. It isn't horribly awful either. What is horribly awful is the fact that we still have to sugar coat bad medicine for old people like me. Give me the Buckley’s version of turning 30 please.
"You are now entering a decade where you will be ‘encouraged’ to settle down and get married. And when I say encouraged, I really mean ‘pressured’. Once you have established that you are a DINK (double income, no kids), you will push yourself into huge debt by buying a house where you will spend the rest of your living days paying mortgage, popping out kids, changing diapers and constantly wondering where the days of yore went."
Now there’s some bluntness I can appreciate.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I’ve Made A Huge Mistake (I think I should start numbering these, since this is probably the 3rd or 4th time I’ve had to say that)
(DCFC – What Sarah Said)
One of my managers came by my desk today and asked if I had a spare phone cable she could borrow. I wasn’t sure but I said I’d take a look in my desk drawer. As I pulled my desk drawer open while she hovered behind me, my Stuff magazine was in plain sight, with hot Stacy Keibler wearing next to nothing on the cover. Being that it was one of the new female managers, it was an awkward situation. In attempt to make it seem as though it wasn’t awkward, I nonchalantly pulled the magazine out and placed it right on top of my desk as I dug around the drawer to find a spare phone cable. Sort of like saying, "So what, it’s a guy magazine with scantily clad women, I’m sure you’ve got a huge vibrator underneath the kit kat bar you have in your desk drawer." Remind me later to go check her drawers.
My first reaction would’ve been to close the drawer but that would’ve been a blatant admittance of guilt. Admitting your guilt is something only people with moral fibre do. (Side note : I wonder if people with lots of moral fibre have more regular bowel movements.) That's not something I have.
After digging around for a good 30 seconds, I then decided to cut my losses and put the magazine back into my desk and told her that I couldn’t find what she was looking for but would let her know if I found anything.
That was the highlight of my day.
(DCFC – What Sarah Said)
One of my managers came by my desk today and asked if I had a spare phone cable she could borrow. I wasn’t sure but I said I’d take a look in my desk drawer. As I pulled my desk drawer open while she hovered behind me, my Stuff magazine was in plain sight, with hot Stacy Keibler wearing next to nothing on the cover. Being that it was one of the new female managers, it was an awkward situation. In attempt to make it seem as though it wasn’t awkward, I nonchalantly pulled the magazine out and placed it right on top of my desk as I dug around the drawer to find a spare phone cable. Sort of like saying, "So what, it’s a guy magazine with scantily clad women, I’m sure you’ve got a huge vibrator underneath the kit kat bar you have in your desk drawer." Remind me later to go check her drawers.
My first reaction would’ve been to close the drawer but that would’ve been a blatant admittance of guilt. Admitting your guilt is something only people with moral fibre do. (Side note : I wonder if people with lots of moral fibre have more regular bowel movements.) That's not something I have.
After digging around for a good 30 seconds, I then decided to cut my losses and put the magazine back into my desk and told her that I couldn’t find what she was looking for but would let her know if I found anything.
That was the highlight of my day.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Here I Am
(The Cure - Halo)
I never felt like this with anyone before.
You only have to smile and I'm dizzy.
...
I went to Sonia’s coworker’s wedding on the weekend and the couple’s first dance song was my song of the day above. A great song and a pleasant surprise from the usual contemporary slow song. I actually wanted to grab Sonia by the hand and dance to it but under the circumstances, it would’ve been highly inappropriate.
It was the first interracial wedding I’ve attended and it was fantastic to see two very different cultures share in the common happiness of seeing their son/daughter/cousin/etc get married. If you’ve ever been to an east Indian wedding, they have a lot of dancing performances. The best performance of the night came when the bride and a few of the girls (including Sonia) did a little surprise Bollywood dance for the groom. I thought it was a wonderful sentiment for the bride to embrace the groom’s culture like that.
It was a very beautiful wedding.
...
You know what I miss about university? On afternoons where you are feeling completely ineffective and completely inefficient because the week has been long and has taken its toll on you, you could just skip your afternoon classes and go slack off for the day. Being a young professional has its benefits though, I actually get paid for going to “class”. I don’t think I’ve missed too many days as a result.
...
The two things I’m horrible at, when it comes to the dating: a) getting a phone number and b) breaking up. I’ve never been particularly good at getting the ball rolling. However, once it’s rolling, I can keep it going for a long time. I also have issues stopping the ball. There’s just too much momentum by that point. I usually don’t have the heart. As a contrast, my friend Spooner, has always been able to pick up girls at clubs and has always been able to break-up with girls with relative ease. I sometimes imagine that if we could somehow combine our powers, we could be some sort of super dating machine...but we aren’t. I’m sure the ladies of the world all just breathed a collective sigh of relief.
...
I’m also having serious Arrested Development symptoms today. I miss GOB, Buster, George Michael, Michael, Tobias, Lucille, George Sr., Lindsay and even Maeby.
"Wow, that’s what it feels like to be punched in the face."
Season 3 DVD to be released June 13th on Amazon!
...
Has anyone seen the new chat feature inside gmail? You can actually use gtalk, which is an IM, while checking your gmail. It’s embedded right into the webpage. It’s an ingenious idea but I find it a bit intrusive. It’s almost like having someone looking over your shoulder while you’re emailing. Whenever I see, someone appear online who usually does not use gtalk as their primary IM, I message them with, "You’re checking your email again, aren’t you?" I think it creeps them out.
...
Earlier this winter I decided to buy snow tires because my all-season tires weren’t cutting it. Immediately after I bought the most expensive snow tires I could find (because I convinced myself that you couldn’t cheap out on safety), the weather got amazingly warm and dry for a winter in Canada. As of today, I’ve counted a total of 3 days this winter where we’ve actually had enough snow on the ground to enjoy my snow tires. Murphy’s Law fuckin sucks. I’m planning on putting back my all-season tires next week. Watch it snow right after I do it. My car is also in need of a wash as well but I’m going to avoid doing both at the same time because it will result in some really odd weather conditions.
(The Cure - Halo)
I never felt like this with anyone before.
You only have to smile and I'm dizzy.
...
I went to Sonia’s coworker’s wedding on the weekend and the couple’s first dance song was my song of the day above. A great song and a pleasant surprise from the usual contemporary slow song. I actually wanted to grab Sonia by the hand and dance to it but under the circumstances, it would’ve been highly inappropriate.
It was the first interracial wedding I’ve attended and it was fantastic to see two very different cultures share in the common happiness of seeing their son/daughter/cousin/etc get married. If you’ve ever been to an east Indian wedding, they have a lot of dancing performances. The best performance of the night came when the bride and a few of the girls (including Sonia) did a little surprise Bollywood dance for the groom. I thought it was a wonderful sentiment for the bride to embrace the groom’s culture like that.
It was a very beautiful wedding.
...
You know what I miss about university? On afternoons where you are feeling completely ineffective and completely inefficient because the week has been long and has taken its toll on you, you could just skip your afternoon classes and go slack off for the day. Being a young professional has its benefits though, I actually get paid for going to “class”. I don’t think I’ve missed too many days as a result.
...
The two things I’m horrible at, when it comes to the dating: a) getting a phone number and b) breaking up. I’ve never been particularly good at getting the ball rolling. However, once it’s rolling, I can keep it going for a long time. I also have issues stopping the ball. There’s just too much momentum by that point. I usually don’t have the heart. As a contrast, my friend Spooner, has always been able to pick up girls at clubs and has always been able to break-up with girls with relative ease. I sometimes imagine that if we could somehow combine our powers, we could be some sort of super dating machine...but we aren’t. I’m sure the ladies of the world all just breathed a collective sigh of relief.
...
I’m also having serious Arrested Development symptoms today. I miss GOB, Buster, George Michael, Michael, Tobias, Lucille, George Sr., Lindsay and even Maeby.
"Wow, that’s what it feels like to be punched in the face."
Season 3 DVD to be released June 13th on Amazon!
...
Has anyone seen the new chat feature inside gmail? You can actually use gtalk, which is an IM, while checking your gmail. It’s embedded right into the webpage. It’s an ingenious idea but I find it a bit intrusive. It’s almost like having someone looking over your shoulder while you’re emailing. Whenever I see, someone appear online who usually does not use gtalk as their primary IM, I message them with, "You’re checking your email again, aren’t you?" I think it creeps them out.
...
Earlier this winter I decided to buy snow tires because my all-season tires weren’t cutting it. Immediately after I bought the most expensive snow tires I could find (because I convinced myself that you couldn’t cheap out on safety), the weather got amazingly warm and dry for a winter in Canada. As of today, I’ve counted a total of 3 days this winter where we’ve actually had enough snow on the ground to enjoy my snow tires. Murphy’s Law fuckin sucks. I’m planning on putting back my all-season tires next week. Watch it snow right after I do it. My car is also in need of a wash as well but I’m going to avoid doing both at the same time because it will result in some really odd weather conditions.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Brokeback Conversations
(The Strokes - Heart in a Cage)
Shaky: You know, the only time I ever drink diet coke is when I'm really thirsty. Even then, it's got to be really cold. Otherwise, it tastes like crap.
Spooner: haha... i don't mind it
i'm used to it... regular coke tastes too sweet for me now
Shaky: That's just absurd. That's like going from straight sex to gay sex and saying, "yeah...I find the hole is too moist for me when I go back to straight sex." Come on!!
Spooner: :S
i take it you drink the FULL flavoured, HOMO milk then?
Shaky: I don't drink milk.
Spooner: or do you drink a watered down 2%?
Shaky: Never have been much of a milk fan. Milk is the biggest myth ever
Spooner: regular or unleaded?
Shaky: My mom used to tell me to drink 3 glasses a day and we drank homo milk.
Spooner: do you eat anything that is fat-reduced?
Shaky: hmm...not that I can think of offhand.
Spooner: margarine vs. butter?
Shaky: I eat butter.
Spooner: so everything you eat and drink is FULL on flavour
Shaky: or "I can't believe it's not butter"...I really can't.
Spooner: so you're having gay sex with butter too
haha
Shaky: "I can't believe it's not straight sex."
(The Strokes - Heart in a Cage)
Shaky: You know, the only time I ever drink diet coke is when I'm really thirsty. Even then, it's got to be really cold. Otherwise, it tastes like crap.
Spooner: haha... i don't mind it
i'm used to it... regular coke tastes too sweet for me now
Shaky: That's just absurd. That's like going from straight sex to gay sex and saying, "yeah...I find the hole is too moist for me when I go back to straight sex." Come on!!
Spooner: :S
i take it you drink the FULL flavoured, HOMO milk then?
Shaky: I don't drink milk.
Spooner: or do you drink a watered down 2%?
Shaky: Never have been much of a milk fan. Milk is the biggest myth ever
Spooner: regular or unleaded?
Shaky: My mom used to tell me to drink 3 glasses a day and we drank homo milk.
Spooner: do you eat anything that is fat-reduced?
Shaky: hmm...not that I can think of offhand.
Spooner: margarine vs. butter?
Shaky: I eat butter.
Spooner: so everything you eat and drink is FULL on flavour
Shaky: or "I can't believe it's not butter"...I really can't.
Spooner: so you're having gay sex with butter too
haha
Shaky: "I can't believe it's not straight sex."
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